fillerbit @fillerbit@librem.one

maybe I go in for an ADD assessment. Due to this and many other reasons (shit short term memory, constant loss of focus) I've been suspicious for a while, but part of me feels like I'm just trying to place blame on something external to me

I'm realizing I'm sometimes more aggressive than I realize. I interrupt without realizing and doubt before hearing people out. That'd make me feel shit, so why do I do it? Is it because I grew up in a ideologically adversarial environment? Who knows. What matters is that I change

Ironically, I'm afraid of losing the things I most care about if I don't get my fears under control

How can my intuition be so far off so often? I'm letting my own fears influence how I respond to people I care about, which just leads to them needlessly worrying. I think sometimes I shouldn't look so deep into things, and should just take a joke as it was intended

Why are there no good anti-cult groups? Like why isn't there anyone actively trying to pull people out of cults? At least I can't find any. There are plenty of cult information groups, but few people actually reaching out and doing anything

It's so hard being away from someone you love. It's surreal to think that we'll be together permanently soon

Life has been really rough lately, but I have support for once and it's helping me survive. Even though the suicidal thoughts don't go away, and even though they're strong sometimes, I have enough to look forward to that I know I won't act on it

I honestly don't know how to fix myself, I'm constantly hurting those most important to me. They don't deserve that but it keeps happening. I just feel lost

BOY is this fun

Turns out panic returns as soon as I do

When you go grocery shopping to try to distract yourself from an impending panic attack even though you know damn well you don't need groceries

I'm legit in love and it's kinda awesome

I just feel trapped inside of myself

I feel like I'm slowly losing my grasp on reality. I sometimes worry I've already gone over the edge and that none of this is real

The worst kind or fuckup isn't when your life is destroyed. It's when you destroy somebody else's

LPT: if you've eaten an edible and think it's not having an effect, you haven't waited long enough

I love taking code out of context. I currently have a function called "separate-body-parts" which calls "split" on a bodyParts list.

Me a serial killer confirmed??

Broke: using variety of different programming languages depending on the project because they all have strengths and weaknesses

Woke: Lisp is the best programming language. Peasant.

If anyone knows a good way to stop existing for a few days hmu

40 it is