@levi @igeljaeger @igeljaeger @p You think your self is telling you you want to be hurt, but it is telling you that you ARE hurting (present tense) now. You really need something, kiddo. Honestly, I do have an agenda β I would prefer you not build an identity around lgbt grievance victimization, getting/having HIV, or having meth/coke problems. And the best direction you could go to avoid all that is to focus on learning some skills, getting a job/career, and living on your own. I think you should build an identity around that, and if you have issues with sexuality and you occasionally have sex with guys or trannies or whatever it's not so bad as long as you don't fuck up and give yourself AIDS or a drug problem. You were trying to build an identity around WBC, and it was entertaining and edgy but obviously didn't make you happy. If you really would like to think about gay stuff less, frankly the best thing you could do is form healthy heterosexual friendships with straight men like on a community sports team or games meetup or something. That would give you the male belonging you are looking for but in a more healthy way. I think you've got to accept where you are and then decide where you want to go from here. It's not so bad and you'll make it okay if you can relax and sort yourself out a bit.