fuck it how hard is it to find someone who helps you with doing the things as opposed to helping you enter the state in which it is impossible to do things 💢 💢 💢
@unspeaker
I see what you're doing there — you're covertly inviting unsolicited advice with a post criticising giving unsolicited advice 😏
(I hope this joke isn't too much, but if it is — sorry 😅)
nah, it's just that apparently i have to go through a literal fucking ordeal for the privilege to even have a conversation with somebody
easier when typing because i pause my breathing and not risk breaking down into uncontrollable weeping, screaming, sobbing, shaking, banging head against wall, etc
"working together towards a common goal" which is supposed to be an essential human experience has somehow always ended up like "allowing them to feed on me"
off to bum a smoke... 🚭
well, after spending 1hr in the aforementioned state i decided i deserve to get meself a whole pack
and there goes my 5th attempt to quit smoking for the year 💨
gonna be a right laugh if quitting smoking gives you schizophrenia. or me
s'funny because there's the part of me that wants to have, like, a "normal life"
and then there's the part of me that goes like "you've been to normieland how many times already? havent you learned that it's just cannibal vampire zombies sacrificing each other all the way down, except that some of them also have a sentient being trapped within"
and then there's the part of me that, y'know, codes, earns money, feeds itself, negotiates, carries around those other two dimwits...
@unspeaker
It's not like they are doing it out of intentional malice — they are just "acting naturally". If you play along with it in order to work something out in the short term, expect them to understand that you didn't like it, but let it slide, you'd be gravely disappointed later when they get used to it and start doing it more and more often.
Just like on personal level you have to establish personal space, you have to watch you work relationships to not get out of hand.
yep.
what you describe is pretty close to one of the dynamics that occurred so that i ended up like this.
thanks for understanding.
this not even about work, more about any form of functioning as a human being in the world beyond "go to work—go to the shops—go to the shitter—go to bed"
i don't really fuck with "intentionality", all these pesky "free will" questions about things that are discursively ascribed as linguistic rituals. they lead nowhere
i prefer to think of these things in terms of behavioral conditioning, signal theory—the mechanics of what actually goes on—exactly what everyone's afraid to examine...
@unspeaker
Yeah, it's like that — it's hard to grasp for those of us who think on more abstract levels and in the longer term, but most people — they function on more… vegetative level if I might say so.
I mentioned intent — because it's one of the greatest disappointment for me personally: most of the time there is no intent, you do something and expect other person to think why you did that, but they only go for the most immediate response.
but then again, "boundaries" is a reddit movie from 2015... here's how it actually went down:
"lemme just plant this in your head real quick: what you think never matters, what everyone else things always matters"
"ok, only smart person who is not always moderately hostile but is sometimes VERY friendly and sometimes VERY hostile, whatever you say - it's not like you haven't exhausted and confused me until i have become incapable of consent, anyway"
and then many years of unable to speak except in cryptic nonsense
@m0xee
it's kinda like a firewall. being able to read between the lines already makes you aware of the whole world of psychopathic games which everyone loses in the end
"normies" quite actively reject becoming aware of it all and still largely follow its rules. pretty much how political power works. unless my sources are playing 1 more dimensional chess than they look to be...
really shouldn't have allowed [???] to install me that second hand empathy module tho, only ever works in reverse 🤣