To all newfags:

You will never be a real shitposter. You have no hobbies, you have no clout, you have no wit. You are a normalfaggot Fagbook nigger/Redditard/Twitard twisted by astroturfed memes and CONSOOOOOMerism into a crude mockery of the early internet’s perfection.

All the “(you)'s” you get are two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your admins are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your cringe profile behind closed doors.

Otaku are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of hours of practice have allowed profession shitposters to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even normalfags who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a Fediverse/Webring user. Your mannerisms and pro-Semitism is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk Poaster trolling with you, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your stale memes and aversion to "nigger".

You will never be cool. You wrench out a fake smile every single log-on and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a Cuckchan jannie for a single dollar of pay, ready to crush you under your unbearable body weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a wire cutter, find the ethernet port, put the cutter around the cable, and plunge your PC into the cold abyss. Your online friends will find your dead account, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. Graf and Milk will bury it with custom CSS marked with your dox identity, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a total dork used to post there. Your account will decay and go back to random 0's and 1's, and all that will remain of your legacy is a posting profile that is unmistakably Reddit.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

@SuperSnekFriend@poa.st >you have no clout

This is the weakest insult anyone could have even think of, so low I'd take it as a win, only a faghot would care about fucking INTERNET clout

@sarvo @SuperSnekFriend >refuse to spell the word faggot on the fedi of all places.
the above shitpoast described your kind perfectly.
i would tell you to fuck off back to reddit, but even they dont want you anymore.

@Some_German_Guy @sarvo @SuperSnekFriend you are trying to view flash content, but have no flash plugin installed

I miss flash

@rher @sarvo @Some_German_Guy @SuperSnekFriend there's ruffle.

It's not the same. I miss the security warnings, the unnoticed installations, the surprise toolbars in IE6. I want to go back.