The state of search in 2024:

Google: "We threw away decades of search knowledge and Internet indexing and just made an answer up "

Bing: "Here's 100 tangentially related pages from 2010 that I only included because your query appears in a tag cloud in the website's footer"

DuckDuckGo: "Here are the Bing results, only with ✨privacy✨"

Reddit: (this user has deleted their entire post history using PowerDeleteMyShit. Fuck /u/Spez)

Yahoo: "Oh thank god, someone's actually using our search engine! No, we're not just Bing!" *frantically trying to cover up the giant Bing sticker* "NO DON'T GO TO GOOGLE!!!!"

Yandex: "Here are all of the Russian-owned resources on this topic. Only Russian sources are trustworthy. Everything else is fake ne—I MEAN, misinformation"

Kagi: "We'll give you what Google used to give you for free, for the low low price of $10/month!"

Ask.com: [hoarse screaming and clawing noises can be heard from the ground beneath a headstone that says "Here lies Jeeves: 1996-2006"]