Juha Autero 💉 @jautero@librem.one

I swear, Crows man. I had a friend that got on a crow's bad side, and it's amazing how persistent they can be.

This thing followed him around and would just "CAW! CAW!" at the most inopportune times just to make itself heard. Guy tried calling animal control but of course they were like "you want us to stop a crow from… cawing?"

Dude actually moved towns to get away from that crow; I swear I thought he was going to crack. Then like two weeks later, his cell rings. The number is his old land line. And it's that same crow just "CAW! CAW!"

Fortunately for him, that was enough to get the feds involved because it's actually federally illegal to make an unsolicited cell phone caw.

"You ask any Marxist about labor and labor-value, they always immediately go to production. Well, here’s a cup. Somebody has to make the cup, it’s true. But we make a cup once, and we wash it ten thousand times, right? That labor just disappears in most of these accounts. Most work isn’t about producing things, it’s about keeping them the same, it’s about maintaining them, taking care of them, but also taking care of people, taking care of plants and animals."

I Like Big Butts and I Must Scream

One of Leonard McCoy's lesser-known vices was his love of chilled rum drinks, but he liked them prepared in a particular way: instead of being shaken, he preferred them to be stirred with a juniper twig, to impart a certain evergreen bitterness to the drink. Every year, he presented the bartender on the Enterprise with a new, fresh-hewn juniper wand, to renew the taste, and the bartender had, after long experience, learned precisely how to make McCoy's preferred daiquiris.

One day, however, the bartender saw to his horror that one of his subordinates had left the juniper wand in the sink, where it had warped and cracked - and the previous year's wand had, as always, been recycled. He looked around desperately for a replacement, but the best he could find was one the Captain offered him - a shaving from one of his hickory lacrosse sticks. The bartender took it, mixed up McCoy's daiquiri, and hoped for the best.

McCoy came into the commissary after a long shift in sickbay and sat down, and the bartender gingerly sat the drink in front of him. McCoy raised the glass in a toast to the barkeep, took a sip, and grimaced. "This doesn't have the aftertaste I was expecting," he said. "You used the juniper twig?"

The bartender sighed. "It broke. I'm so sorry. That's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

@traabot gender: stainless steel
pronouns: kling/klang