PSA: the words “calorie(s)” are being retired and replaced by “calorific(s)”, because that’s more terrific.

Usage examples:
-That’s a beautiful apple! But not as calorific as as a slice of pecan pie.
-I was going to have a bottle a beer, but I went with a shot of whiskey instead. It’s not as calorific, but that’s ok. It’s still delicious.

See? It sounds disappointing when things are less calorific.

*Lawyer leans over and whispers in my ear, “what about horrific?”*
*Me: Shhhh!*