At the NAFTA table:

USA: UMMM OK SCREW YOU GUYS TARIFFS ON EVERYONE

CANADA & MEXICO: wtf girl you crazy

USA: 10% ON ENERGY 25% ON EVERYTHING ELSE

CAN: Omg bitch what the hell

MEX: Ay dio

USA: AND DON'T THINK I FORGOT YOU, GYNA.

CHINA: WTF did I do??

USA: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

CHINA: *hastily closing TikTok* was it the slave labor clothes thing? Because I can change baby. Really. Give me a chance.

CAN: do you even know how much oil you get from us?

MEX: does he know how much everything else he gets from us??

USA: OK FINE NO TARIFFS FOR CANADA BUT YOU GOTTA PROMISE TO PUT TROOPS ON YOUR BORDER TO STOP THE DRUGS I'M THINKING, LIKE 10,000 OF THEM

CAN: so... the 20,000 we already have? deal.

USA: AND NOW FOR YOU MEXICO NO TARIFFS FOR YOU EITHER BUT YOU GUYS GOTTA SERIOUSLY CRACK DOWN ON THE BORDER TOO I'M THINKING LIKE A BUNCH MORE TROOPS ON OUR SIDE AND YOU GUYS HAVE TO APPOINT A DRUG CZAR.

MEX: but we already hav—

CAN: shhhh he just promised to crack down on the guns flowing into your country.

MEX: oh right. Uhhh ok deal!

CHINA: also I thought you liked the slave labor clothes?? you guys sure buy like... a LOT of them.

USA: THIS TRADE DEAL IS AWFUL WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS PIECE OF CRAP?

MEX: you did

USA: YEAH THE LAST GUY WAS KINDA ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL

MEX: no I mean literally you personally did last time you were in office

USA: WELL WHOEVER IT IS HE SHOULD BE FIRED

CAN: can't argue with that, girl

USA: I AM THE BEST AT TRADE WARS

CAN: you keep thinking that, sweetie. We'll even put this one right here on the fridge with a gold star sticker.

MEX: ay, dio

USA: *eats the gold star sticker* THIS HAMBURDER TASTES AWFUL

CAN: ...

MEX: ...

CHINA: so.... can I go now??

MEX: ...

CHINA: ...

CAN: Also we're doing 100% Tariffs on Teslas now. Fuck you America.