Alright so the whole thing came in and I've been setting it up for a few hours.
It runs Minecraft for now Poggers
I made the stupid fucking mistake of installing the snap version of Nextcloud.
Don't use snap to begin with.
Somehow I have to migrate from a half-broken snap install of Nextcloud to a non-containerized instance.
Maybe I'll just re-do everything...
@quad I already use sshfs for most of my NAS too